someone owes me an orgasm
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
