They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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