nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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