Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
