I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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