You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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