READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
it's like heaven, but drunker
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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