when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
