do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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