I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
