Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
