Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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