If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Randomize
