Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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