walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
