ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
