About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
