she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Found your dick twin last night
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
