There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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