Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
