Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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