Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
