Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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