why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
