She is in my trunk
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
