I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
