Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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