ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
