So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
