Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
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