someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
