Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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