You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize