I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Randomize
