Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
