I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
