the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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