I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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