kristin has been a bad kristin
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
