after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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