yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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