he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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