Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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