I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
