i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
