he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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