Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
All the doctor said was why
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
