I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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