standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
