Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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