I hate your face
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
