Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
