i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
