JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize