i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
