everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
