You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
