I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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