physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
