I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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