I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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