Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
