he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
