I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
