So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize