didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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