Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
