even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
