She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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