Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
