So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
