Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
