So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
