The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
