You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
